my midnight urge

So I was talking with Eli on the phone around 12:30am today and my mind was racing. we were
having a deep conversation about how hard things are, being so far away from each other, and
how we seem to be arguing over the most stupid things. we had actually gotten all the negative,
sensitive parts of the conversation done with and had moved on to the happy parts when i kept
having these thoughts rush through my mind. i told eli to hold on and i grabbed a pen and
paper to write down everything that came to my mind. (it was mainly the finaly chunk of this
story thingy). we finished our convo, said goodnight and hung up. As i laid in bed, more
thoughts came to me so i had to turn on the light and go back to my pen and paper; and thats
where the rest of the story comes from. it was all really random, but i am actually suprised on
how good i was able to express how i was feeling at that exact moment in time. here is the story
that i wrote
WARNING: for those of you who are sensitive to the relationship that eli and i have, you can
turn back now because this story is about him/us. thank you.


Baby, before i had you i was nothing more than a weak soul, lost in the asylum we all call life.
And you, you told me that life before me had no meaning. that there was truely no reason to
carry on other than to unwillingly continue the tedious path towards death. We were both
broken, lost without each other. Then one glorious day we fell in love. The cracks in my soul
were mended by the pieces of yours--we were strong--your life had meaning and my soul was
found.

Time passed by and the world decided that we shouldn't be together; but that didn't matter, not
to us. It seemed as though the devil himself could try to pry us apart, but could not prevail.
Although, the few bumps and bruises that we did obtain from the outside were significant, they
were easy to mend with a little love and understanding. We were indestructible.

Our lives then changed when I had to move away to try and improve the future of our lives
together. We knew things wouldn't be the same. With distance as our enemy, the spaces that
were once so tightly constructed, were now filled with miles of uncertainty and fear, causing our
hold to slowly deteriorate. It's like we couldn't hold on. All at once we were at the beginning
again: broken worse than we were before. But things can get better--they have to.

I want to pick up the pieces of our scattered lives and recreate what we once had. With
desperation to move forward, i have picked up my jagged parts, but you seem to be lagging.
Will you trust me enough to help you gather yours? cause, baby, I can't put my life together
without you. My pieces are too broken and no longer fit comfortably without your pieces there
for support. It's only with you and your shattered pieces that we can both become one again. so
i ask, will you let me in? I need you. Please don't give up. We can become whole, but we need to
work together. you are my life, you are my everything, so lets become strong, for we are forever
one.


well thats it! i hope you all enjoyed it. feel free to comment on anything. i love you all :D

time to lose some weight!

okay everybody, here is my plan. i had to take a physical in order to play bball and one of the
things that they did was weigh me. i thought i weighed about 160 pounds, but when i stepped on
the extremely accurate scale in the weight room, it said that i was 172!!! i was so surprised and
angry--not to mention completely embarassed for being a fatty bball player around all the other
athletes ;) anyways, so i have decided, with help from eli and coach tom, that i am going on a
diet/exercise rampage. here is my plan:

every morning of the school week, i wake up at 7:30 and go running with tom on the bear trail.
the bear trail, for those of you who don't know, is a mile and 1/2 of hills through the beautiful
forest of Weed. it is crazy hard for me because i haven't ran a mile, without stopping, in over a
year and here he expects me to run a full mile and 1/2 WITH hills. plus, there is a KILLER hill
around the mile mark that would weaken even the strongest person, so i have a hard time
continuing after that part. i think it also adds pressure on me when tom runs behind me pushing
me forward and i hear him panting and weezing behind me lol BUT i just wanted to let you
know, that with all of my hard work and perserverence, i have been able to conquer the hill, and
the whole course, without stopping! and not only once, but twice now! yay me! yes, i almost died,
but i did overcome that beast of a course. tom was so proud of me :D

now eli's job is to make sure that i keep eating right. all i have to do, for right now, is make sure i
cut out the crap and decrease my portions. so no more pasta 4 days a week :(, now i can only
have it once. no more soda or energy drinks. no more skipping breakfast, and no more junk
food :S but i do get to eat lots of chicken for protein, salads and apples for keeping healthy,
powdered slim fast for breakfast and sometimes a nice pb&j--if i have been good :D eli also has
the job of picking me up when i feel discouraged, which is a lot. whenever i feel like i did bad at
practice or that i'm not losing weight fast enough, he is the one to tell me to suck it up and get rid
of those discouraging feelings with a run lol its not an easy job, but someone has to do it :P

i have been doing this diet/workout for almost 2 weeks now and i can tell you that i already feel
a difference. i am running a little more smoother, i can breathe a little easier, my jeans seemed
to have stretched out-even though i just washed them ;P, and i gained an extra belt loop! yay
me! i can't really SEE a difference with my stomach, boobs or butt (or even the stretch marks
i've been blessed with), but im sure that those are going to be slimming down pretty soon. i just
need to keep on track.

my goal is to be at 145 by christmas time. so that's 4 months to lose 25 pounds. i know that may
be a huge goal, but the bigger the challenge, the bigger the will to get it done :D plus i know that
with losing weight i will also be gaining muscle mass again, and that that will weigh more than fat,
so i will have a period where i gain weight rather than lose some, or only lose 3 pounds instead of
the normal 8 (or whatever) but i am ready to make some dirastic changes here :) i have dates
set on my calendar for when "weigh day" is. the first one is about a month from now on
september 25th and i'm hoping to lose 10 pounds in the first month. i think that that's a good
estimate because of the water weight and stuff. the first 5 pounds, i've heard, are the easiest to
lose. when that day comes around i will make sure to post another blog and let you all know how
my system is working. wish me luck!